METHODOLOGIES: O'Brien Style

Impossible actions

• Decompose fully

• Decompose into water droplets, splash onto the ground and then pick yourself back up

• Become invisible

  • Being felt more than being seen

  • Doing things that you could do if invisible

• Go back in time

  • Creating that vehicle or ritual that gets you back there

    • Banging bases of shoes together- collapsing time walked onto itself to break a wormhole

  • Being in the portal

  • Then a space ship

  • Doing what when back in time?

    • Writing letter to past self

• Remove your joints

  • Notes from others:

    • Enjoy fast paced music while someone is laying down

    • Really enjoy Ines sucking the joints out of her fingers

    • Marzia with her elbow bent like that, it really looks broken

When Martin Muses, I think

Describing shannons touch body movements

• Look into the distance blinking with each movement. Knee flick spine moving, adust hair wrist up wrist flickspine foprward and black on a sea saw and then leg up, writst limp and moving and jerky. Getting quicker on hinged rag doll dynamo. As you swings with a syncopated not even rhythm, strands of hair follows it.flick hair out of face and resume syncopation nation. Wrist forwad back like a greeting being offered and withdrawed. The rythym is very satisfying. When bending backwards it’s a matrix impossibility legs up and rocking toes up when body back

• Scoring my touching other movements

  1. Spreading left shoulder

• THE END OF THE WORLD: Well,Byron was right, his sould is dark and the darkness is happening right now.it's more airless and vacuumy then I'd imagined. We’d been expecting it for a long time, having moved from form to formlessness, and now we are simplyfying further. Nothing left to consumer,light slowly shimmering away and an overall common knowing of qhat is happening. Like that salvia trip I had that one time. We are all zipped up an edning and simplying, it's the end of the world as we know it, but is it the end? It is hard ot tell whether it's the end or whether it's a friend, simplying down and down and that seems lie that could be a the right thign and the thing that is a thing that martin told me that I already knew,like a slap in the face melting.

• EVERYTHING THAT DISGUSTS ME:I try not to think about these thing, but I am disgusted by rioughtessness, by closed minds,  by slaughtered food, pesticides, big oil, opiod addiction coming from big pharma, by endless ritalin, by plastic being used for the things that are sued the least amount of time, when I'm not honest, when I'm not there, when I'm restless, when I want more, that I lost the deed to my house, that I don't know my sister, that I could work harder, all the emails I never responded to and the letting down of promises.

• MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I'VE EVER SEEN: there's so many but waking up in my sleeping bag, no tent, on top of the giant orange plastic bag that is a survival bag, or rather next to it because I'd slipped off of it in the night. I wake up,still in my contact lenses and feelwarm, but the air is damp and fresh and the light is breaking. We're on a part of the mountains that looks down a whole landscape, and as the sun rises is illuminates all of the water patches on the landscape below,they are like mirrors or silver ponds and I breathe it all in, thewild, the aloness and being physically tire.d

• THE PROCESS OF DIGESTION: begins in the mouth, as food (so it is called) comes into contact with the mouth it salivates and the saliva has digestive enzymes that begin to break down thefood chemically. It is a process that occurs and is felt but si not seen, the food turns moreslimy, loses its texture an dpersopnality, being swallowed into the throat down and down into who knows where, the mystical land of mystomach. Fullyof gum I swallowed years ago and my own arsehole from sucking off george this morning after last night. Moving into the intestines, it slithers into non existence.

Practice and Marzia

AUTOMATIC WRITING MARZIA:

When I sit here to write after just having moved and everyone cleanig up around me it feels good to have such a background. I have never had a movement practice on my own, wlel I guess I could count shaking my butt and checking whther my rave moves looks good in the mirror. And tracey says she is quite sweaty in here, I am happy to have run out of deoderant recently so that I may keep sweating and seeing th eputrifaction, wish I could combine the words fabuilous and putrify in some way. Thinking of marzia and her daughter again, I hope she is writing well in this time about her thoughts, learning more this week about the constant terror of not being attentive enough and th eperson dying, sthey need to be checked even into the night. Time chanbges. Routine is the new time, relative to what? To itself. Thinking fo her and loving her and her daughters. May they enjoy the bubbles.thinking of ella also I hope her project develkoped after our notes on it. Sleep and feelings. I feel lucky to have had the thought that I know what I want to work on andi want to write more right now but I have to clean up my den. What a great day, talking peoples thoughts out into wishes, building a den and inhabiting the deep woods.

Marzia again...

Marzia automatioc writing from 5:13-5:30pm

When I think of hinking I don't like it. When I think of people who think too much they annoy me and before this thought, although conditioned by it, I think of whether I am annoyed with y own behaviour. Being annoyed and thinkign annoying thoughts and sitting in a puddle of lemon juice, creasing my crisprain boots and smiling with my whole face and wondering on the wonder that is wondering, but also-although it is a gift to wonder - I wonder whether it is misplaced on me and think of myself living more in the moment, less thinking about things and setting things up and things being difficult and trying too hasrd and instead it being easy. Easy breezy LEMONS. Lemon face and lemon grab and lemons and the occassional lime. I wonder and wonder about citrusa fruits, and citrus fruits are my mattress so I should qwonder about them I lay in them every day. Did you knowthat the molecular arrangement of a lemon and a lime is the same except mirrored? And did you know that I wonder how much meditation orhow to meditate better to be able to see moresubtely. Subtle and subtler.smaller and smaller again and smaller one more time why not be so small that I could see the small things? Well I guess in those moments it doesn't matter, you'remeditation insight should be stronger.

I wonder about Marzia and Russel Brand because she is deeply attached and I'm sure he is great but I do feelsceptical, especially about finding idols and gods in celebrity, something about the allure of celebrity.but maybe he's justa. Cooldude? I don't know but I hope that her efforts are well-placed.i hope foronly the best for marzia- I hope for the best for myself, but I am more directly indicated in making that happen. Make it happen and happen again and happen harder

Listen,listen again and listen deeper,listen deeper and listen ot he sub bass.i can feelit puffing on my foot and I want a vape and not now not now losing my way losing my way losing my way through thedarkness, she was heartless in everyway PLAGUERISM where's my whatever, and how is my why?> and when is that where anyways.and which was is anyway? And why? And when and where and how and again and around and some nice juicy cock and wanting it and wantin gto to be slower wanting to stop ny automaticness and be made to feel that fuckign poresent- am I a. good lover? Losing my way, in this stangnat canal pond with the ghetto swans, they're just hungry btu what can I do? I am but a mime, I only have imaginary food anyways. Although I am I am I ain't. and what have you with this ain'tness Mr _____ and and and and and and was it stressful? Was it weird? And what was fun in your day? Thinking of not thinking and feeling you.mmmm it stops e and I want it and I willfold clothes when I go hom and it's alright. Writing with Marzia, I am glad for this and am glad that there is such a thing as words and there are people to write with. Breath out.

Talking to Marzia

Talking to Marzia I see such a special person. Hearing her talk about her daughter it is as fluid as water and I cannot imagine that kind of relationship with somoene, that her daughter is her own person but is also a part of Marzxia, made of the same sinew but with different perception. Asnd I wonder about Marzia and how she supports herself, I know that she has a high level of self-understanding and checking in with herself, but she is going to need to set in somesystematic frameworks so that she can support things now dealing with living with diabetes.so much extras information is coming her way and being and existing and living with in the future in terms of health, diabetes effects everything. Food is life and bnlood sugar needs to be checked so often. I remember evenm having to inject our cat for her diabetes and finiding it traumatising and so I cann;t imagine the experience of either injecting your daughter at leats 5 times a day or watching her do it.the very act of putting a needle in the skin and opressing in. the body which seems so solid because it is sealed up with skin then being made to fee less solid, less permeable.

I am happy that we are writing together now and I hope it is an outlet for her to write,more than an outlet I hope if creates a space in her mind. Last week when we took the tube homeish together she said about having an empty room in her mind and knowing she can go there whenever,I hope this cleans out the dust in there, and it's bigger and more elastic and oxygen rich and bigger then the other parts of her mind. I hopefor only the best for Marzia.Even before beginning this exercise she started trying to support me by saying all of this love and listening I give out will come back to me many times over in very special people being there to support me.It was funny tolisten to because I feelalready that I have so many of those special people in my life,Jess,James, Jade and George, as wellas my family like John and my Yiayia.I wonder about the difference between 'havign' special people and the experience of being with them as a paractice,as something that continues. Sometimes I find it hard to want to see people,retreating back, finding it hard ot shcedule,too much time and too little.i find it childish in mysewlf reallythis experience of not quite settling with time. Time and time and time and where and when and how?How is time? Funny how you can live forever in seconds and hours can pass as if nothing. That's mostly what goes on with the internet. Watching internet endlessly, I'mlucky to not have a phone right now it's come at an opportune time, I need to order a new sim card though so I can call, jade need some support, but part of me feelsdistant still from her. She is solovely and very close to my heart, I'm just finding it hard to thinkk about when to see her and when to have myown time.i like my own company this must be a gift for mylife but also I wonder I wonder and wonder that I enjoy wondering on my own much more. It must be the winter.being in a hot place makes peopling feelso much easier to me.